Saturday, August 23
2 p.m.: Fine, I’ll submit myself to the indignity of breakfast. I’ll eat a … a yogurt. What IS yogurt? Is the yogurt having sex, in my mouth, as I eat it? Is it some sort of dairy orgy? Maybe that’s why the women in the commercials always make such sensual faces as they slide the spoon of demon-curd in and out of their mouths. The yogurt claims to be Greek, but I don’t know why. Perhaps a centaur drizzled honey over it with his tail? That would be Greek as hell.